Swine Fl(u)ew??

"Swine Flu is like Rakhi Sawant. It hasn’t really done much, but everyone has heard of it."
Why am I talking about swine flu now? No one else talks about it, not even our 24- hours news hungry TV channels. Well, apologies for being late. By the time you read this blog, it might not even be chic to discuss Swine Flu…but I was having my handicaps. There were not enough jokes/blogs on Swine flu available on the internet/newspaper/TV which I could have copied.

Earlier when girls used to call me PIG; I thanked them for calling me a Pretty Indian Guy. But now times have changed and the same retort doesn’t hold good. Girls have started calling me a SWINE.

There are several theories on the spread of swine flu. The best of the lot which I read on the net was that the Swine Flu is an achievement of someone called Mr. Osama Bin Laden. His sleeper agents in England & France started getting active in 1994 and by March 1996 the British Beef was banned and the Mad Cow Disease epidemic was born. Osama’s plan didn’t go as he would have wanted and the US, one of the major consumers of steak, didn’t get affected much. So, he got worried and then asked his agents in Hong Kong to start sleeping with Hens & their husbands (the roosters)…which resulted in the bird flu transferring to the Humans. What common folks like you don’t know is that of the 14 deaths that happened due to Bird Flu in Hong Kong in 2001, 10 were Osama’s sleeper agents. Five years & and ten deaths later…Osama Bin Laden would rue the day China stated Bird Flu Emergency…while US just laughed away unscathed.

Osama did make one last attempt to create havoc in US through the bird flu – he tried to murder Donald Duck and pass it off as a case of Bird Flu. Unfortunately, when Osama’s agents kidnapped Donald Duck from Disney Land and tried to strangle him…a well built but naked man came out of Donald Duck’s clothes and ran away. I remember reading somewhere that Osama was surprised & shocked to know that Donald Duck isn’t a real bird.

After the Mad Cow disease failed to work, and Bird Flu refused to fly…Osama had to think of Swine Flu….and this time he has asked his sleeper agents in Mexico to sleep with Pigs.
Since the US had smartened after Osama’s biological warfare on US, Osama had to import the pigs in spare parts from different parts of the World and get them assembled in Mexico. Something similar to what Abdul Qadeer Khan, Father of Pakistan’s nuclear bomb did, to build his nuclear bomb. When I tried to reach Abdul Qadeer Khan for his comments, all he had to say was: “I am upset with what my country has given in return…look at what India has given its Father of the Nuclear Bomb – APJ Abdul Kalam"

I don’t know if you guys have seen people walking around in public places wearing stupid looking surgical masks. I have and I found that pathetic…with so many deaths from so many other diseases…why spread the panic that’s as ordinary as common cold? Now a day’s people are fearful of girls with a plaited pigtail and would immediately take her to the doctor…asking him if it was a Swine Flu symptom.

Ghulam Nabi Azad, Minister of Health & Family Welfare of the Government of India is a very smart man. He has come up with a very smart plan to handle Swine Flu…his 9-word plan is: “Stop eating bacon and pork…buy fish instead.” I wouldn’t really mind if he had stuck to his 9-word plan….but now he has also banned Mexican Waves from all sporting events. “We will ban anything that’s Mexican,” he said in a press conference. Our own maverick IPL commissioner Lalit Modi did try to get special permission for Mexican Waves in his IPL tournaments, citing public interest as the reason…but failed. When last heard he was in Hawaii popularizing a similar wave…just re-naming it as the Hawaiian wave.

As if his rule banning Mexican waves wasn’t enough Ghulam Nabi Azad also appeared on TV to say that swine flu was dangerous for every single person in India. Thank you mister minister for the awarenesss..thanks but no thanks..we’ll get out of it ourselves.