Cleanliness: What the Hell!

(Disclaimer: All of this is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead is pure coincidental. Especially, it has nothing to do with me or my wife. I hope I have made it very clear at the onset and hope to live after this).


I think this would appeal to all the guys. Those who are “married” would very well relate with this and those who are still “happy” might get scared and try and have all the fun in whatever time they have.
So, all the bachelors in this world….Beware!!! Friends, comrades, guys…just chill, take it easy, because one day you will get married!!!!!!!
Like any other happy-go-lucky, careless guy, I was also not very fanatical with the virtue called “Cleanliness”. Now, I have completely left it to Mayuri (my other and better half!!)
Let’s make one thing very clear, most bachelors lead a very clean lifestyle. They brush their teeth once a week, take bath on Sundays, and wear washed clothes for parties and what not (what else do u want for Christ sake!!! “bachche ki jaan loge kya?”). But once they marry, it all goes for a toss.
If you are a woman and are reading this, chances are you would not agree (some of you might think that I am a jerk..some of you might even want to squeeze the life out of me and strangle me to death). But read on and I am sure you would be convinced. If you are married, I request you to turn a new leaf and stop harassing your husband about his cleanliness.
As I was saying, after marriage wives start finding fault with their husband’s lifestyle. I can give an example here of my friend Ajay (name changed due to obvious reasons). His wife starts complaining as early as 3 a.m. The guy is sleepy and could not care less for cleanliness but she wakes him up and says that his saliva is spoiling the pillow cover. She forces him to place a folded towel on the pillow and he gets back to sleep. She wakes him up at 6 a.m. – and that’s an unearthly hour too – and says: “Look, you have spoiled the towel also!”
Bathrooms are a horror. Here are some of the sentences guys get to hear…

“Come on…I told you not to take the newspaper inside the bathroom?”
(For God sake, I can’t understand why she hates him taking the newspaper when he goes to the loo. She hates it so much that she does not read the paper. Or is it her excuse?)

“Hey, you left the toilet seat up again!”
(So what, put it down again! Of course, guys don’t say it in as many words.)

“The walls are all soap. Can’t you pour some water, or be careful while taking bath?”
The walls are all soap? Good…we don’t need to buy soap for another two years. And anyways what am I supposed to do? Lie down on the floor and take bath?)

“Did you notice the soap box? It is full of water!”
(Yeah right, I was just trying save water for a dry day. Or was I trying to make some liquid soap?)

So the “bathroom bashing” is done and the guy is in the dressing room getting ready. By his misfortune, he has left his wet towel on the bed. Boy..end of the world..you bet!!!! Is it like the towel cannot dry on the bed, or the bed once wet (just a bit though) would be wet forever and would chills to her in the night when she sleeps on it???
And when he is trying his new CharagDin shirt when she barges in and says: “Just look at your wardrobe.”
He turns around and looks at his wardrobe.
“Yeah, I saw…what is wrong?” He asks.
“Now, look at mine. Everything is washed, ironed and kept properly,” she says.
“Yeah,” He grudgingly agrees. More because, he is late for office and he also need to squeeze in that smoke that she does not know about.

Now we move on to the breakfast table, he gets scolded for being generous enough to drop a cereal for the ants that have formed a cantonment in his house. He also get berated for not keeping his helmet clean, for not washing the dishes he uses, for leaving the water bottle un-capped. Anything he does in his house needs to be done in another way – the supposedly cleaner way.
Now, he is all dressed up and ready to leave. He is pleased that he can be himself for another 9 hours – that’s the time he spend in his office. When he close the door behind him, he hear her shout:”Look at the mess your shoes have done to the floor?”
He grinds his teeth, promising himself that he will also make her life hell, and walk into the sunset….
p.s: I want to repeat what I started with: Disclaimer: All of this is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead is pure coincidental. Especially, it has nothing to do with me or my wife. I hope I have made it very clear at the onset and hope to live after this.


Cheers!!!!!